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Day 30 of being home

December 1, 2012

I’m feeling stronger every day.  My energy is good, my appetite is normal, and I’m always doing something.  I’m throwing myself into all sorts of house projects so I don’t have any spare time.  I wonder if this is a defensive mechanism, a way of drowning out the last 5 months?  Sometimes I reflect back and ask myself was my stay at COH for real?  I think my mind wants to forget the painful memories.  Yet, without some of those experiences at the COH, I would never had made so many wonderful discoveries about myself.  I have to keep that part alive.  So I turn nightly to my “power chant” which seems to be a key for transporting me to a very special place, a state of being where I’m in the moment, transcending material wants, and connecting with that deeper place.

I was at the COH last Thursday for a scheduled appointment and everything went well.  My blood counts were about the same but I didn’t need a Neupogen boost this time.  I saw some old friends at both the clinic and in LA which always makes me feel good.  I asked my doctor about flying and she said no.  Then I asked her about going to movies, museums, and other public places and she said no.  So I figured I had nothing to lose, I asked her if I could have some wine and there was a pause.  She finally said I could have 1 glass of wine at Hanukkah and New Years.  I asked how big is a glass of wine?  Anyway, that night I decided it was like Hanukkah for me, freedom from oppression.

I feel fortunate in that I think I have a new future.  The future is always unknown but until now, I did not see a new unknown direction in my future.  I hope to return to work part time and play my flute but I feel like there will be new opportunities as well.

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13 Comments
  1. Lee & Gwynn permalink

    Congrats on your progress. Ther’s nothing like measuring your advancement with a nice glass of Pinot Noir! All the best…..Lee & Gwynn

  2. Elizawalsh@aol.com permalink

    Bidi Bidi Bom!!

  3. alexis permalink

    congratulations on your quick recovery process

  4. carolynlehman permalink

    Hi, Jim–

    It’s always good to read your posts–like letters from the future. Congratulations on all the strides you have made. There is nothing so good as being home and I am glad that you are and glad you are thinking about new things ahead. Keep on posting!

    I can’t remember if I told you how useful your last post was for me and Peter; thanks for writing so honestly about the difficulty of being at home full time when you’ve lead such an active life.

    Here, I am enjoying a short time home following radiation treatments and feeling good before testing and facing whatever lies ahead. Gulp. Right now what is most successful for me is myopia. The present, the up close and personal, is good. The future is a mystery fraught with uncertainty. Of course, you know all about that.

    L’chaim!

    Carolyn ~~~~ Carolyn Lehman

    http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/carolynlehman/journal Sent from my iPad

  5. Charlie Young permalink

    Its great to see you getting healthy and pushing the envelop a bit in order to get back sooner to the previous normal. Even better, you seem to have added perspective and appreciation on every step. You could say this is just the beginning and the actual application of renewed understanding remains.

  6. Brent permalink

    Jim, This is all starting to sound great! Congrats – – – your ordeal is not for sissies!

    Happy Thanksgiving, Brent

  7. Vince & Jean Dupea permalink

    We love your sense of humor Jim. Congrats on your progress!
    Vince & Jean

  8. Linda Bobbitt permalink

    So good to hear from you again. It is amazing how strong of a person you are. You are an inspiration to me and I am sure alot of others. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving and are going to have a very Merry Christmas. All our love and prayer . Dennis & Linda

  9. A month at home!! And a glass of wine on the table. What wouldn’t millions of people around the world give for that. You went thru the valley of death to get there, but Dude savor the view from where you are; like you said embrace the Now and contemplate all those new possiblities that you seem to already be in touch with — the probable/possible realities that surround your future. I am so excited for you and for the rest of us who benefit from your Being. warmest hugs to you. what is your mailing address — I want to send you a holiday card Love Nina

  10. noel fishman permalink

    Great news, Yakov Leaving for Israel Tuesday Love Nachman

  11. Lorna permalink

    I’m so happy to hear you are doing so well, Jim, bringing the journey you have been on into your life, from this sparkling perspective of valuing the taste and sensation of homecoming, the miracle that you are.

    I look forward to playing music with you again!

    Love and happy holidays to you and your family, Lorna

  12. Clarke Parsons permalink

    Hi Jim,

    It is really great that you are doing so well. I have followed your blogs from day one, and saved them. What a toughj adventure, and you won. Great! It is so nice that you are home for the holidays with your family. I am looking forward to having a visit when you are available.

    Take care, Clarke

  13. Mike Leslie permalink

    Glad things are going well, Jim! Dante and I are sending you lots of “good vibrations” from LA. Let us know if you come back down and feel up to getting together.

    Mike and Dante

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