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Day 124, day 8 at home

November 8, 2012

I seem to be changing daily, right under my own eyes.  At the COH it was simple, one day at a time.  At home, there is a new set of “challenges”.  All the accumulated house demands, mail, and myriad of materialistic issues scream at me for attention.  I’m feeling a little guilty to find I’m giving in to such mundane things in light of what I’ve gone through and knowing some of my friends are still in the thick of it.  I feel good and my energy level is OK.  I’m eating well, sleeping good, and attending to a list of stuff to do on a daily basis.  In fact, I feel mostly normal.  I have to remember I’m only day 124 post transplant, a toddler in that world.

I’m splitting my care between COH and Stanford and yesterday was my first visit to Stanford.   It felt very odd.  COH is like home with so many familiar faces but at Stanford, I felt vulnerable, like a visitor in a foreign house.  My blood test where a reminder that I still have a way to go and need to take it easy.  My WBC was low at 2.6 and I got a shot of Neupogen to give them a boast.  My platelets had also dropped to 56,000 so I’m not quite ready for prime time and being out in public.

I ask myself how do I keep my balance, keep a healthy perspective?  How do I blend all I’ve experienced in the last 4 months emotionally and spiritually with my day-to-day life now that I’m back home in Soquel?  I learned so much at the COH and I’m struggling not to revert to some of my old bad habits while dealing with the normal world of daily chores, demands, and stresses.






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  1. rose marie cardona permalink

    We all need a lesson plan on how to deal with the common daily stresses and mundane chores. After the challenges youhaveovercome, the grind of daily life should be a piece of cake. Keep us the good work….Hank and Rose Marie

  2. permalink

    Hi, Jim, we are so glad to hear you are home!!!! It sounds as if all the stuff can wait. Listening to the rain on the roof is good therapy. Nothing like sleeping in one’s own bed,too. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help you and Claire with the stuff! Slainte as the Irish say! Tim and Betsy

    Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE DROID

  3. Loren Le Jeune permalink

    Keep the emotional balance, knowing that your friends look forward to you tooting again. Humming is just fine, I think. As retired prof of flute Adrienne Greenbaum said, she’d hummed more than one low B during her long career in orchestral playing. Ya can’t hit ’em all outa th’ park.

    All good wishes,

    Loren Le Jeune

    Loren padding past in silence.

  4. Holly Bengtson permalink

    I am always just speechless after reading your blogs – how you can simply, humbly put everything into words that I have felt (and still do). Also, I will pretend I didn’t read the part about you cleaning the gutters ON YOUR ROOF!!! :). Time passing has a way of putting things into balance even though it can be frustrating, disappointing, depressing – (my personal favorite is depressing- haha). You really are doing so so good. I really love your power chant and your support and energy can be felt by me at COH every day. I saw your twin today. She prob will get her PICC out today. She looks great. Sure do miss you & can’t wait to see you next week! Your friend, Holly

  5. Linda Bobbitt permalink

    Hi Dr. Engelman, So glad you are in your own home. I bet it feels good and you have mixed emotions but it sound like you are doing very well. I know that after we have gone somewhere and then came back home it felt so good to get into our own bed. There is really No Place Like Home. Don’t overdue and if you need any help with your yard you know who to call. We would be more than willing to be able to help if you need it. So be real good and get your strength back so you can do all the things that are waiting for you. It waited this long it can wait another few month or LESS. Love Dennis and Linda 252-7898 call if you need anything.

  6. Jim Melendy permalink

    I’m glad to hear that you are home and making progress. I know things aren’t perfect, but coverall, it sounds as if you are doing very well. I wish I could drop by, but I’m fighting off an annoying cold. I’ll wait until I’ve been healthy for a while before visiting. Until then, you have my prayers and best wishes.

  7. Take 3 slow deep diaphramatic breaths before you do anything. Just like playing the flute (: Nina

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