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DAY 28

August 4, 2012

I might have exaggerated a bit about how well I’m doing.  I’ve had abdominal cramps and diarrhea that have challenged my limits.  So today they did a flexible sigmoidoscopy and biopsy looking for GVHD or some infection.  The gastroenterologist said my sigmoid colon lining looked fine.  That was reassuring.  The biopsy is negative for anything significant.  So what is causing this discomfort?  Sometimes in medicine we never come up with an answer but just need time for things to evolve and resolve.  I need to be a patient patient.

Last night I was watching the sun set behind the San Gabriel Mountains.  I was surprised how beautiful it looked.  I was with one of my new BMT friend, Ray.  Ray lives in Idlewild in the mountains and was a Farrier, specialist in equine hoof care.  He has MDS like myself.  We both asked why did this happen and why it happened to us.  Most of us know that asking “why” rarely produces an answer but it’s a question that is hard to resist asking.   So Ray and I went down that path.  We have such different histories and experiences but our answers conceptually were remarkably similar.  I can’t say I found any answers and probably produced more questions.  I played around with how this will help me be a better doctor, is there something that I’m meant to tackle or accomplish,   I looked at my “spiritual” self.   I’d love to say the secrets of the universe have revealed themselves to me but they haven’t.



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  1. Satish permalink

    I am so happy to hear that you are doing better. Our prayers are with you. Get well and come home.

  2. Lee & Gwynn permalink

    I think the secrets of the universe are bubbling up and are very close to the surface. Great to hear you’re improving and the poop shoot will cooperate sometime soon, Cordially….Lee & Gwynn Thoma

  3. Chip Goldeen permalink

    You are already a GREAT Doctor!

  4. Alexis permalink

    That’s a shame that the ‘squirts’ are causing more than there share of trouble. 😦 . Hopefully the doctors can figure out what’s wrong and your body can get back to its job of replenishing those coveted WBCs

    Keep strong

  5. Lorna permalink

    Seems like hills and valleys are part of the territory. Glad you have the reassurance of knowing your system is in good shape, still adjusting, no doubt, to all that you have been through. I’m glad you have this amazing community of people who are on the journey with you and the beauty of the sunset and the dance of patience, impatience, confusion, clarity, energy returning, your digestive system slowing you down, restlessness and rest, living, moving, feeling, witnessing, resisting, accepting, letting go of the old life, embracing the new, and looking at the connection between the two. All of this would put any gut into turmoil, seems to me. I hope it settles down soon.

    • Hi Lorna, Thanks for all the emails and support. My doctor said I may get discharged from the hospital this Friday if all goes well. I’m looking forward to moving into one of the cottages here at COH. I miss not being able to playing my flute. Are you playing your oboe? take care Jim

  6. Jmmie Wood permalink

    I think when one ponders the spiritual question “Why?” Spirit answers . . . “Because!”


    Jimmie Wood

  7. Maybe you already know the secrets of the universe my dear Jim– except the last little part — recognizing it. hugs love strenght & energy to you along with warmest hugs

  8. Charlie Young permalink

    Perhaps there is no one answer, but just the experience of having pondered the question from a place you have never been? It’s a tough journey with risk we won’t want to take, but once there its your place to be. Charlie.

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